Help for a loved one.

by:Armand King

Many people ask, “How do I help a loved one get out of the game?” Unfortunately, like a lot of trials in a young adult’s life, they must be allowed to make their own mistakes. There is not much you can do to get a person out of the pimp subculture once they are in. It’s like the baby that needed to touch that attractive fire just one time before it understood just how much it hurt. Even worse is this lifestyle. It plays a mental game with the people in it. The desire for money and a better life can overtake all rational judgment. As a loved one trying to get a person in the game to leave, it can be difficult. Once you’re in this lifestyle you are constantly manipulated by others to continue. You are walking around under hypnosis. The deeper the hypnotism the more the words of a loved one fall flat.

Although it may be difficult to fully remove your loved one from the life, you cannot let that stop you from trying. Never give up on speaking truth to them about the dangers of the life they are in. When you do speak to them about the lifestyle try to do it in a manner of love and respect. If your tone or demeanor comes off condescending or judgmental you may chase them away from you. This is what you don’t want.

In my experience I have seen family members attempt to get their loved ones out of the lifestyle by using physical force and threats, both against the pimp and the prostitute. I’ve witnessed this several times. Never have I seen it work. Family members of the woman have threatened the pimp with violence and murder and the two didn’t stop. Two of my good friends were in the game together. The girl’s brother would drive up and down the tracks looking for her around San Diego in hopes of catching her. On two occasions he did and physically forced her into his car and took her home to her parents. Soon after she would escape and run back to her pimp. They were Bonnie and Clyde. Nothing her parents or brother did to stop her worked. She loved him and he loved her. Four years after working in the sex industry they were married and had two children. Although the “married with a family’ outcome is more the exception than the norm it does happen more than one might think. I have several close friends that I can think of now for which this is true there are probably even more that I don’t know the background story for. I grew up in an era where a significant amount of my peers male and female merged into the subculture of pimping and prostitution at the same time. Most of us grew out of it at the same time as well.

More recently a young man that I was mentoring was still tampering with the game. He was threatened by a girl’s brother not to pimp on her. He decided to do it anyway. He took the girl to Vegas and on their return he was greeted by a barrage of bullets as he walked to his front door. The young pimp was only eighteen years old and the girl was nineteen. Neither one was hit that day by the angry brother and the car full of his gangster friends. They lived and they continued to be involved in the game. Only now they were out of state where they were away from the girl’s brother.

Although physical violence may seem like the answer when you’re trying to help a loved one, it is far too often not. You may drive your loved one even further away, and create a resentment for the one that was trying to help. As a loved one, you may feel like Robert DeNiro in Casino with his wife and her pimp. You’ll end up with the same results as he did in the movie. A resentful, vengeful loved one fleeing you even more. The same goes for talking down on a person involved and mistreating when they come around. Your efforts to help will results in the victim staying away from you. This is the last thing that you want.

“Although it may be difficult to fully remove your loved one from the life, you cannot let that stop you from trying.”

ARMAND KING. MENTOR